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Joke of the Day

"I'm going on an all breadcrumb diet because I've never seen a duck with a double chin."

"*Takes gift wrapping paper to the counter* Her: Did you want to buy that? Me: No, I just wanted to hold it for a while."

"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day Teach a man to fish, and pretty soon the fisheries will be collapsing."

"We get it - ""Bacardi"" rhymes with ""party,"" ""bottle"" rhymes with ""model,"" and ""sex"" rhymes with ""text."" You rappers can stop rapping now."

"How do you get 50 little old ladies to scream FUCK at the same time? Have the 51st scream BINGO!"

"""Ooh fun, I have an email!"" - me, forgetting about the email I sent myself NOT ONE SECOND AGO"

"Do you know about the unpredictable weather in Syria? Sometimes it's Sunni, other times it's Shiite."

"What's the witches favourite pop group ? Broomski Beat !"

"I'm currently writing a musical about diggers trapped in a mine. I think it's gonna be in the key of A-flat minor."

"I had to use a rotary phone to try to get concert tickets so don't you tell me Ticket Master online is taking too long"