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Joke of the Day

"Someone just told me ""if you don't believe in Santa Claus, he'll never visit!"" So on that note, I no longer believe in cancer."

"What did the poor, unfortunate, paraplegic kid get for christmas? Cancer."

"GOOD COP: He won't talk except in sign language BAD COP: I just cut off his left hand BAD PUN COP: He still has the right to remain silent"

"You can lead a horse to water but only if you grew up on a farm or something."

"The worst part about watching Ronda Rousey fight: it's hard to rub one out in under a minute."

"What do call someone who takes care of reindeer and really enjoys it? A Jolly Rancher."

"My pregnant wife said her doctor told her no more sex until the baby is born I asked, ""What did your dentist say?"""

"My grandma is going to vote for Hillary... She's been dead since 82."

"Waiter there is a fly in my bean soup ! Don't worry sir I'll fish him out and exchange it for a bean !"

"Wife-CAN YOU CLEAN UP? Me-*Quietly mutters- I don't work for you! 3-*runs out of room yelling- DADDY SAYS HE DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU!"