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Joke of the Day

"What's up? Up is the Y-axis relative vertical direction opposed to down."

"America was not shut down properly. Would you like to restart America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)"

"""Please ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"" The teacher was rather bewildered. ""Don't you mean Michael?"" she asked. ""No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."""

"Did you know? Call of duty has been released in Iraq and Afgahnistan as ""The Sims."""

"A scoliosis patient had given up hope of recovery.. But after the long and painful surgery, he took his first steps and humbly said ""I stand corrected""."

"What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar? Buck teeth!"

"When I Die I want my remains to be scattered at Disneyland. I also don't want to be cremated."

"98% of all band-aids are used to cover up a child's melodramatic bullshit."

"How come ""you're a peach"" is a complement but ""you're bananas"" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?"

"My friends pet mouse Elvis just died. He was caught in a trap."