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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the whistle-blower who couldn't make it home for Christmas? He was Snowden."

"What is the difference between Donald Trump's hair and a Headcrab? Nothing."

"Saying no thanks to a CW's offer to hit me with their car so I could take the day off proves decisions shouldn't be made before coffee"

"You can't lose a homing pigeon... If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a normal pigeon."

"My Grandparents bought a new China set... They asked me what I thought of it... I said it was fine..."

"I once slowly roasted a Marshmallow over fire until the Michelin Man gave me some free tires."

"I don't do hard liquor... ...I liquor hard"

"What's the fastest game in the world? Pass the Parcel in a Belfast Pub."

"When Sarah Jessica Parker got married She must have had one hell of a bridle shower."

"Best garage sale ever! It's not advertised, nobody's here and it's all free! It's like my neighbor accidentally left his garage door open."