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Joke of the Day

"Just paid 2 dollars in quarters to put air in my tire... This inflation is out of control."

"What do you do if a black man is harassing you? Tell his owner."

"Did you hear the one about the peanut who rode the subway? He was a salted. Sexually. He was a salted sexually. . . .there's nothing funny about that."

"There was no Mrs. Noah & the ark was lonely, thus explaining the evolutionary mishaps you'll find at Walmart."

"If I ever find out that my wife is going to be an octo-mom... I'm octa-gone."

"""Scientology"" is a combination of ""scient-,"" meaning ""science,"" and ""-ology,"" meaning ""science."" And it just gets stupider from there."

"What's green and fuzzy and can kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table."

"I was banned from the Middle East, so this is what I did... Iran"

"Can't quit smoking? Wear mittens all the time."

"What do you call Mary Janes vagina? A peter parker."