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Joke of the Day

"Never trust someone who tells you mashed cauliflower tastes just like mashed potatoes. They'll lie to you about other things, too."

"At the pharmacist A guy goes to a pharmacist and asks for a dozen condoms. The druggist asked "" Would you like a paper bag?"" The guy shakes his head and says ""Nah, she ain't that ugly."""

"Tip for teens: If you're buying booze with a fake ID, the easiest way to seem legitimately older is to wear a wedding ring"

"My wife: Are you ever going to stop quoting ""Gangstas Paradise""? Me: The way things are going I don't know"

"Why do native Americans hate the snow? Because it's white, and it's on their land."

"[first date] Me: so u just wanna poke ur straw thru that little hole Her: I know how juice boxes work Mom: well isn't she a feisty one?"

"What goes above the water and below the water but doesn't touch the water? An egg in a duck."

"I know I'll never be a rocket scientist... because the amount of math they have to do is astronomical and I'm not very stellar at it."

"What do you call Batman who skips church? Christian Bail"

"Why doesnt justin bieber shop at Sports Authority? Cause he prefers Dicks."