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Joke of the Day

"Women's Magazines: Pg 1. You're beautiful and perfect just the way you are Pg 2. How to lose 20kg in 10 days."

"Just googled ""who is Gossip Girl?"" and swear I heard my mom whisper ""you're one of us now."""

"Just skipped past a quote from Gandhi on Instagram to ""like"" a photo of a hot dog."

"What do you get when you put 20 Meth Heads in 1 room? A full set of teeth"

"google logo keeps changing its appearance because it killed a man in Tampa in 1999 and has to stay ahead of the law"

"""Update Adobe or we'll kill you""-flash mob"

"It takes balls to be a man."

"INTERVIEWER: Why do you want to work here? ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don't. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts."

"Sorry babe I wasn't paying attention sorry babe I wasn't paying attention, can you start over ? ok, from where ? 2009"

"I used that classic Liam Neeson line from ""Taken"" today.. ""I will find you, and I will kill you."" My niece didn't want to play hide and seek anymore."