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Joke of the Day

"I'm well versed in Mexico's version of Judo. Judo know if I got a knife... Judo know if I got a gun..."

"Of course I touch myself when I think about you It's called a face palm"

"Why does Yoda think 5 is afraid of 7? Because ""6, 7 ate""."

"North Korean submarine accidentally destroys another North Korean submarine Woops, wrong sub"

"I haven't heard anything from my doctor since my ear surgery. Or anyone, for that matter."

"How do you burn a lot of calories at once? Douse a fat person with gasoline and light a match"

"How to taste wine: 1. Slosh. 2. Smell. 3. Slosh. 4. Place ear over glass to hear the flavor. 5. Write short historical fiction starring wine"

"Her: I heard your sister went to the US. Me: Yeah she did. Her: Which state? Me: Alaska. Her: Cool, when she tells you, tell me."

"It's not that I accept the Terms and Conditions. It's just that I would rather not spend the rest of my life reading them."

"My girlfriend told me she enjoys sex more while on holiday. I tell you that was an awkward postcard to receive"