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Joke of the Day

"How to taste wine: 1. Slosh. 2. Smell. 3. Slosh. 4. Place ear over glass to hear the flavor. 5. Write short historical fiction starring wine"

"Fogged up my monocle while eating a soft-boiled egg. Had quite a chuckle. I imagine I won't forget it anytime soon."

"*girl rests her head on my shoulder* -Are you flexing? -No"

"It's bad enough hearing people judge others based on their appearance... but when ugly people do it, I feel horrible."

"Why are there so many French orphans in the fruit isle of the grocery store? Because they are all looking for their pere"

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's ok. He woke up."

"Girls these days wont eat any produce, but will lick where a bro deuce."

"Just bought diapers and toilet paper because all my family does is shit."

"I can't believe I just stopped a girl from being rapped. I got tired and stopped chasing her."

"The worst part about ""Friends"" being canceled is that I've now been stuck with Rachel's last haircut since 2004."