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Joke of the Day

"You know what the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic is? A drunk doesn't have to go to all those fuckin meetings."

"CW: What's for lunch; smells good! Me: Well I made lasagna last night but lost a fingernail in it & haven't found it yet. CW: Me: *smirks*"

"A mormon checks into a hotel. On seeing there are video channels available in his room, he says ""I trust the porn is disabled."" The receptionist replies, ""No, it's just regular porn, you sicko!"""

"What does going down on an old woman and a pork pie have in common? You have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get the meaty bit."

"A waiter just asked me if eat meat. I felt like a 70 year old women getting carded at a bar."

"What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree on top of you would kill you? A pool table."

"What do you call a mushroom that picks up the bar tab? A FUNGI to be with!"

"Great roll model A kid all confused asked his dad: Dad, dad..What is closer the moon or London? To what the dad responds all serious: Do you see London from here?"

"Why does no one like the swiss army? Because they are all a bunch of tools."

"Dark humor is like food... Not everyone gets it"