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Joke of the Day

"I'm 30 and my knees won't even let me leap down steps to catch a subway. So yes, I think the Die Hard franchise is unrealistic."

"A reality show where gay marriage opponents have to live under 100% Biblical laws for six months so they can show us how awesome it is."

"I am not going to joke about muslims and islam because.. I don't want the last thing I am going to hear to be: ""ALLAHU AKBAR!!"" and the sound of an explosion."

"Woman hit by train Whats a train doing in a kitchen? (Sexist but creative, not meant to offend anyone.)"

"A Blonde is driving in her car and turns on the radio. It says that 2 Brazilian men were killed. She starts crying and says, ""How many is a Brazilian?"""

"What did the 0 say to the 8? ""Hey, nice belt!"""

"A man was sitting in the electric chair. The executioner said ""Look I'm sorry but I'm going to have to throw the switch in a minute."" The man said ""Do me a favor and throw it out the window!"""

"My friend ""Jesus wasn't that special""... After he said that I say ""but he made thousands of people bread"" He turns back to me and says ""so what, hitler made 6 million Jews toast"""

"I actually loved the Twilight: Eclipse movie until I realized I was actually in an alley drunk watching two cats fight over a dead mouse."

"when i was a kid, i thought getting arrested for shoplifting meant getting in trouble for trying to carry a store like popeye or something"