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Joke of the Day

"Have you guys seen Paula Deen's new restaurant menus? They only serve crackers."

"Why couldn't the butter quit his gambling addiction? HE WAS ON A ROLL!"

"Snake walks into a bar. And the bartender says ''How did you do that?''"

"One dog asks another dog how 2014 has been for him. He answers ""It has been a ruff year""."

"What's your least favorite race? I personally can't stand 5K's"

"I think I'm finally becoming more mature. Now when I watch Spongebob I usually agree with Squidward."

"I listen to gangsta rap sprinkled with a little Sarah McLachlan. Will I murder you? Will I adopt a puppy with you? You don't know."

"CASHIER: [over PA] produce manager to the front pleas- *scuffle noises* ME: IF YOU SELL LETTUCE HEADS WHERE get off me WHERE ARE THE BODIES?"

"I used to do drugs... i still do, but i also used to."

"I can't believe they let people own guns. Public toilets are all the proof we need that humans have horrible aim."