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Joke of the Day

"I used to do drugs... i still do, but i also used to."

"Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers."

"[1st moon landing] Mission Ctrl: Be sure to say something important & profound Neil: Ok *steps onto moon* Neil: *clears throat* I'm a vegan"

"What's the difference between a baby and a submarine? I've never been in a submarine."

"What's the funniest thing you can find in a closet? Robin Williams"

"Reincarnation I told my wife that in the Hindu religion she could come back as something completely different. She said she wanted to come back as a cow. I told her she wasn't listening."

"I work as a waiter. The pay isn't great but I put food on the table."

"I told my wife I lost 10 lbs in one hour ""No way. That's impossible!"" she said. ""Trust me,"" I said, ""I have no idea where our baby is."""

"Did you hear about the deaf guy who could sing? Ya, well he didn't"

"Whats pink and smells like salmon? trout"