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Joke of the Day
"I used to do drugs... i still do, but i also used to."
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"""A Brita pitcher is only as good as the man who re-fills it after emptying."" -- Dalai Lama"
"We were gonna give you money but thought you might prefer the limited buying power of a gift card. Don't spend it all in one place! lol jk"
"HER: it's over between us ME: is it because of all my embroidery puns? HER: I thought you would stop ME: sew it seamed"
"How do you have nasal sex? Fuck knows"
"Your password must contain 9 letters, a treasure map, Drakes social security # & the sound Marv made on Home Alone when he stepped on a nail"
"What do you a white convict stuck between two black convicts? An Oreo crookie"
"80% of making $120 million is just showing up."
"""I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In"" is my favorite Taylor Swift song about a racist shop owner."
"Drove my son to school only to realize there was a 2 hour late start. I should have dressed him warmer. He looked cold, sitting on the curb."