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Joke of the Day

"All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips."

"I accidentally bought regular Cheerios instead of Honey Nut and now my breakfast tastes like I'm attending a party sober."

"My anaconda don't want none unless you got a suitable living environment for him, a terrarium with a heat lamp, some small rodents, etc."

"Did you know that 1 in 4 people has multiple personality disorder? That means one of the me's has a problem."

"[Dads birthday] ""Make a wish Dad"" *Dad blows out candles *Looks around *Looks @ wife Where did our son go? -What son? *Dad cries with joy"

"Selfies? In my day we stared in a mirror and then felt ashamed."

"What do you call red neck foreplay? Bitch get in the truck."

"Did you hear about the schizophrenic accounts manager? He couldn't help but hear invoices inside his head."

"Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing."

"If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you."