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Joke of the Day

"Step 1: Walk on water. Step 2: Turn water into wine. Step 3: Prophet"

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"An orchestra went to the desert Which member felt the warmest? The conductor."
"The best things in life are free. Fuck vowels."
"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to sell oranges by the side of the highway."
"How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb? One"
"I managed to lose 245lbs of unsightly flesh... Divorced the wife."
"If you're a Mormon, and you have a mom, and you haven't been referring to her exclusively as Mitt Momney...then why the hell are you Mormon?"
"My neighbor just died of an overdose. He forgot to take his homeopathic sleeping pills."
"I see Paris, I see France, I got a great new pair of binoculars from an overpriced sporting goods store today"
"What do Emos and automatic lights have in common? They'll both off themselves eventually."