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Joke of the Day

"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to sell oranges by the side of the highway."

"[1st time buying drugs] Me: can I get a *reads smudged notes on hand* married iguana Guy: *opens coat to reveal married iguanas* Me: hell ya"

"Sometimes I wonder if the entire world is full of defensive, conceited douchebags who can't laugh at themselves... Then I read some Reddit comments and I'm almost certain of it."

"ME: My dog's so happy I'm working from home. DOG (to camera): Honestly, a heads up would have been nice. I had shit planned today."

"Quest I went on a vision quest. I still ended up at Walmart."

"What's blue and square? An orange in disguise! Boom!!!"

"What do you call the offspring of a black man and an octopus? I don't know but it sure can pick a lot of cotton."

"A young boy died after having sex with his teacher... His friends high fived him to death. Zak galifinakorishdjignko"

"What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a child, you're not going to like it as an adult."

"the horse meat scandal during the recent horse meat scandal in the UK they discovered that the Welsh lamb in Asda ( Walmart ) had 2% human dna."