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Joke of the Day

"I hate that ""You know what to do"" voicemail greeting, because if a recently unfrozen caveman calls, I bet that makes him feel pretty bad."

"Knock-knock. Who's there? No, he's on first."

"""And thou shalt know those whom God has chosen for eternal salvation in the following manner: they shall retweet this."" Revelation 4:12."

"What do you call a Batman that skips church? Christian Bale"

"What do you get when you mix a lesbian and a platypus? A lickalottapus."

"You Are What Your Eat I used to love the candy Nerds, but I stopped eating them when I realized that for me, it was basically cannibalism."

"[on date] girl: ""id like to if i met mr right, how bout you? have you ever been married"" henry the eighth: ""our food sure is taking a while"""

"When I was at school, the school bully used to make me rub my head against a giant piece of sandpaper. I was no match for him."

"[ultrasound] Dr: your baby is 7mm in length Me [whispering to wife]: ask him Wife [sighs]: what is that in fruit sizes?"

"How many months have 28 days in a leap year? 12 months not just february!"