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Joke of the Day

"I was standing in the elevator at work and I couldn't remember why I was mad... Then it hit me"

"Why do rednecks like Halloween? Because they can Pump-Kin"

"The main difference between men and women.... .... is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used."

"People who genetically engineer food, why don't you make celery that tastes like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? I bet that would shut people up"

"What do you call it when Google Glass connects to the internet? Eye-fi."

"""I got you, babe."" - kidnappers"

"*Gets down on one knee* ""Can you drive us to dinner I have three DUI's"""

"Wife: ""I saw a huge owl on my way home. Almost hit it with my car."" Me: ""Wow!"" Wife: ""Sorry, the correct response is 'O RLY?'"""

"There are two things that I will never get... There are two things that I will never get - why women can't stay in the kitchen and a girlfriend."

"Backache Darren This is a joke I wrote before I discovered reddit. I shall link to it thusly: http://vulpes-aurum.deviantart.com/art/Backache-Darren-149248532"