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Joke of the Day

"Me: Shhh, your brother is still sleeping. 4yo: *runs upstairs CRASH JUMP ""Wake up!"" SLAM *runs back downstairs ""No, he's not."""

"A Red Indian introduced me to his wife... ""This is four horses....."" I said, Wow, that's a beautiful name, What does it mean....?"" He said, nag,nag,nag,nag!"

"I accidentally swallowed a lot of food coloring this morning. I dyed a little inside."

"Difference between a 4 year old and a nightclub? I don't need a bottle of lube to get into a nightclub."

"Garden Water Features by Lily Pond"

"A man tried to sell me a casket today.. I told him that's the last thing I need."

"I like when players of opposite teams hug after the game as if to say, ""We're all so very, very rich."""

"HEY DUMMIES WHEN YOU SHAZAM A SONG YOU DONT HAVE TO HOLD THE PHONE UP BECAUSE ITS JUST A SONG AND SOUND GOES EVERYWHERE."

"The punchline comes first. How can you be sure that a comedian has traveled back in time?"

"Critics are calling my performance of Wife Pretending To Care About Her Husband's Work Story ""emotionally charged"" and ""daring""."