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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on."

"I have a pet dog who can speak. Today I walked in to my house, and he was right there waiting for me. I asked him, ""Hai Buddy, How was your day ?"" And he goes: "" rrrrRough """

"What did Justin Beiber say to his teacher? What do you mean?"

"I didn't know about Reddit in college That's how I graduated"

"Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign ..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term"

"Why is that Bono still hasn't found what he's looking for? Because he's always standing by The Edge."

"Dear Girl Scouts, Your Mints did not make me Thin. ps. Please send more."

"My Uncle was fired for sleeping with one of his patients... The worst part is that he's a veterinarian. Lol just kidding, he's a pediatrician."

"Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you."

"The Americans are using a new type of rocket that constantly updates its Facebook status until it reaches its target. It's an attention-seeking missile."