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Joke of the Day
"Some cocaine addicts get very glossy skin. It's the charlie sheen"
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"[speed dating] *girl sits down* ""hi im melan- QUICK A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAPPENS WHAT WEAPON DO YOU USE ""wha- CORRECT ANSWER WAS KATANA. NEXT"
"So Clark Kent is walking around with a giant cape bunched up under his dress shirt? I feel weird when I wear an undershirt."
"when you take a bunch of videos at a concert but you can hear your singing in the background"
"Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken..."
"Idea: a Chinese restaurant called You Dim Sum You Lose Some."
"What do you call a group of brain surgeons? A neural network."
"[at the aquarium] Son [pointing at a large tank]: daddy what's that Me: tank Son: no what lives in the tank Me: water"
"So a camel opened up an ice-cream parlor... he called it Dromedary Queen"
"Pro tip: never tell a three-year-old that you're going to Disney unless you plan on leaving that very second."