145067

Joke of the Day

"Bought the knockoff brand of Frosted Flakes. Their mascot is Carl the Cat. ""They're purretty good!"""

"Why are terrorists eco-friendly? They're biodegradable."

"What do you call an atheist bone? A blasfemur."

"I wanna be the reason you're comfortable with your prostate examination"

"""I'd like to raise a toast."" *Levitates bread*"

"You know the difference between St. Patrick's day and Martin Luther King Jr. Day? On St. Patrick's day, everyone wants to be Irish."

"Why did the arsonist get kicked off the basketball team? He kept getting pyro-technicalities."

"Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me they long to be/eating your sandwich"

"[Tornado siren blaring] Wife: Let's go to the basement. Me: There will be no line at Pizza Hut buffet. Wife: Me: I'll bring you a salad."

"Didja hear about the coke dealer who retired? He didn't want to put his business in other peoples' noses anymore."