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Joke of the Day

"Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me they long to be/eating your sandwich"

"What did the lady archaeologist say I have a ""bone"" to pick with you"

"Why did the guy have Ben Franklin tattooed on his dick? His girlfriend was great at blowing 100 bucks."

"Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now"

"Why are gay people so fashionable? Because they spend so long in the closet."

"Two men are pissing off a bridge. ""Water's cold"" says one. ""And deep."" says the other."

"Why can't an orphan play baseball? It couldn't find home"

"Whats the number one reason for Pedophilia? Sexy children."

"OMG THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!!! 1): Hold your breath for 5 minutes 2): Die"

"My diet always starts on a Monday morning and ends at the donuts somebody brings into the office later that morning."