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Joke of the Day

"""I have a hard time with faces. One time I mistook a wolf for my dead grandmother LOL!"" - Little Red Riding Hood, talking to a coat rack."

"It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so I'll consider this my workout for the day"

"God: Basically u just chill. Cow: Nice. God: I mean, at first. Cow: ...then? God: Then people murder u to eat ur insides & wear u as a coat."

"When my toaster broke, my wife left me. I guess she was lack toast intolerant"

"I suffer from terrible insomnia But on the bright side it's only three more sleeps till Christmas."

"Did you hear about the short sighted circumsizer? He got the sack"

"What did the necrophiliac get after his wife died? Mourning wood."

"Is it alright to kiss a nun? Yeah. As long as you don't get in the habit."

"There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other, ""How do you drive this thing?"""

"I know you seen me continuously push the ""close doors"" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it's just awkward"