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Joke of the Day

"My boss is basically Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Deceitful, selfish, conniving, wears too much make up, is an octopus."

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they're smart, they'll keep going."

"Since when did remembering names become such a thing? I think I offended dog face girl, again."

"Did you know that a person born under caesarean section is not eligble to run for presidency? Yeah, they're not a natural-born citizen."

"Why didn't the vampire eat out his girlfriend? Because it wasn't the right time of the month."

"What does a mexican magician make for breakfast? Toast-tah-dahs!"

"HIPPO: I'm really heavy ZIPPO: I'm a little lighter"

"My missus has a punctuation fetish Whenever she has a period, I get to use the colon."

"I need to buy a new inflatable love doll. The one I have now is almost full."

"People tell me I'm too condescending. That means I talk down to them."