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Joke of the Day

"REALTOR: You'll LOVE this home- ME: My dog doesn't like it. REALTOR: But I- ME: [holding dog in realtor's face] I TRUST HIM MORE THAN YOU"

"April showers bring May flowers Mayflowers bring Small Pox."

"What was John Locke's favorite beer? Natty Rights"

"I'll never forget the day I met you... ...but I'm trying."

"An American guy ends up in the hospital with an Australian doctor Feeling very weak and dizzy, the patient asked: -Did I come here to die? -No, you came here yesterday."

"The England team won't be voting in the referendum They can never find the box let alone put a cross in it."

"Everyone knows Robin but not a lot of people know Batman's other sidekicks: Stealin, Burglin, Thievin"

"People are like traffic lights You have to judge them by colour"

"Hey waiters-I don't ever 'save room for dessert', I just stuff it in there and pray to God I don't have an accident."

"I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant... ...but apparently it just changes the color of the baby"