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Joke of the Day

"Instead of the death penalty they should make prisoners nice and comfortable and then tell them that the remote control is across the room."

"ME: On the one hand, I have this weird rash. And on the other hand DATE: ?? ME: It's on both hands, I should probably see a doctor"

"The Pope walked into a bar and was arrested for diddling little boys."

"Cherry: I'm pregnant. Tomato: What?! (Origin of the Cherry Tomato)"

"I told my friend about the Muslim slave trade the other day... ""Dubai?"" He asked ""Yes, and sell"" I replied."

"What did the poplar tree say to the weeping willow? Hey pal, you just need to branch out more."

"There was a new machine at the gym today. I had to stop using it after an hour as i felt sick, but it was worth it got through 4 kit kats 2 cherry cokes and 2 packets of crisps."

"What's the difference between you and a calendar? A calendar has a date for Valentine's Day."

"Every call with my mother starts in one of two ways: 1. WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED? IS EVERYTHING OK? 2. WHY ARE YOU CALLING? IS EVERYTHING OK?"

"What's the difference between a lesbian and a canoe? A canoe tips."