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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that actress that murdered her husband? Reese...I can't remember her last name. She was in the Johnny Cash movie... *Witherspoon?!?* No...of course not! She used a knife!"

"Did you hear the one about the tiny prisoner who went down the stairs? It's a little condescending. ;)"

"Tragedy strikes us today as a local ""Caution Tape"" factory explodes, leaving officials unsure how to properly barricade the area"

"[Rorschach test] Patient: Leprechauns in cheetah print unitards kickflipping over flaming tree stumps Dr: I think we can skip the others"

"You left a note on the fridge saying ""This isn't working. Goodbye"" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don't get it."

"Gay used to mean happy, then it meant homosexual, then it meant kind of lame, now it's just gay."

"[NSFW] My favorite sex position is the JFK... I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car."

"Cops have a new radar that lets them see through walls into our homes but imagine if this technology fell into the wrong hands! Oh wait..."

"I'm getting engaged next month. Not because I'm in love but because it's gonna look dope on Instagram."

"Instead of being buried or cremated, I've arranged to be liquidized. I'm not going to any funeral I can't get drunk at."