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Joke of the Day

"Henry David Thoreau walks into a bar. The bartender says: We don't serve your kind here! Thoreau replies: Walden. I'll see myself out."

"My uncle died on 9/11 Those buildings can come out of nowhere."

"Didn't have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 15 books and showered."

"I was approached on the street the other day by a young escort. Couldn't have been older than 13. I was absolutely appalled... ...by her prices. Way more than I usually pay!"

"You act like no one at work has ever asked you to apply ointment to a bunion before."

"I'm 'confuses systems of measurement' centimetres old."

"Honey, your skirt is so short that your STD is showing."

"So I heard you were good at making pee jokes Urine. EDIT: Wow most karma I've ever gotten in a post"

"My first subtweet was in the 3rd grade when I added extra glitter to Nathan's Valentine."

"Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose."