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Joke of the Day

"Waldo collapses on the beach because it's August & he's fully clothed with a ski cap. You spot him easily"

"Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded."

"What do you call a pensioner at a murder trial? A juryatric."

"[My band playing on stage] New GF's friend: Which one is the boy you've been seeing? New GF: *sees me playing accordion* He died"

"What did the mother snake say to her crying baby ? Stop crying and viper your nose !"

"I'm really good at making jazzy versions of rap songs in my bathroom but I don't know how to put that on my resume so I'll just demonstrate?"

"I was up late last night watching Philadelphia with Tom Hanks... ...We were the finalists in a cream cheese staring competition."

"What's worse than 5 dead babies in 1 trash can? 1 dead baby in 5 trash cans"

"Want to dance? Or should I go to hell again?"

"My doctor said my cervix is perfect. I'm still blushing."