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Joke of the Day
"My girlfriend calls me the gas station... Because I have 6-10 pumps."
Next Joke
"God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, but He probably hired Steve to help decorate the garden."
"What do you call a seafood-eating California motorcycle cop who only pulls over nuclear reactions or a radioactive decay? Fission Chips."
"How does the Japanese mafia keep their drinks cold they put it in a a Ya Koozie"
"Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit ""copy"" *hope"
"""My wife and I are SO in love. Always finishing each other's..."" (silence) (silence) *Russian accent* ""You give me Green Card now, yes?"""
"Q: Why did the engineer drive the backwards? A: He had a loco motive."
"*turns on shower* *gets undressed* *checks TL real quick* *floods the entire neighborhood*"
"If two people love each other nothing is impossible... Except deciding where to eat."
"That tweet is awesome. You guys are awesome. Twitter is awesome. I've made awesome friends on Twitter. A thesaurus would be awesome."