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Joke of the Day

"My mom asked me a question and when I went to answer she said, ""Hold on I can't hear you. I gotta turn on the light."" The dark was too loud?"

"real men.. [twitches uncontrollably] don't hi- [""real man"" skin suit falls off revealing fake man who was the one doing bad stuff all along]"

"*admires David at the museum* I can't believe a teenage mutant ninja turtle sculpted this"

"spit your drink at the person sitting across from you and tell them it's because you were laughing at this."

"Neck Tattoos: helping employers make hiring decisions since 1992."

"What do Barack Obama and Tiger Woods have in common? They're both trying to screw everybody."

"When telling jokes to identical twins make sure you tell them the whole joke ........ because you just can't tell them a part."

"What's brown and walks upstairs backwards? A corgi with a boner."

"How come there's a History Channel that tells us what happened but not a Future Channel that tells us what's about to happen? That's racist."

"""If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly how did it fall off?"" Interviewer: I meant about the job. Me: Oh.... no I'm good."