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Joke of the Day

"I was an army sniper, until I was discharged. It must have been my accuracy. It was very hit and miss."

"I used to work in a bakery, didn't really enjoy it and the pay wasn't great... I just kneaded the dough I'm sorry, I'll leave now..."

"Put that down you fat piece of sh*t' the title of the dieting book I'm writing."

"I just ran 4.1 Kms and realized you can write anything you want after that and no one will read it purple monkey dishwasher."

"My wife and I couldn't have a baby so we decided to go to an adoption agency. I was so excited while I was in there. It made me happy to think that I could finally take off the baby on board sticker."

"9 years ago, I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"A spider crawled into my keyboard earlier. It's okay, I've got him under Ctrl."

"I've just turned a mortgage payment into wine. Your move, Jesus."

"What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A Tire."

"I must be getting old...my urine flow sounds like a drippy leak in an old abandoned factory"