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Joke of the Day

"9 years ago, I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"A penny lies below the cliff where a jew and black man jumps from, who wins? We don't have enough information to conclude who's likely to win"

"What do a woman's anus and a 9 volt battery have in common? (NSFW) You know its against your better judgement, but you put your tongue on it anyway."

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving just isn't for you."

"What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter."

"What's Eric Garner's favorite song? Breathe Again- Toni Braxton"

"People always ask me why I procrastinate.. They say, ""you know, the early bird gets the worm."" I just respond, ""yes, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese."""

"Bears can swim, climb trees, and open doors. Why aren't there ""BEWARE OF BEARS"" signs posted fucking everywhere?!"

"Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear."

"""You know what pal, lay your own damn eggs"" - jerk chicken"