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Joke of the Day

"I just ran 4.1 Kms and realized you can write anything you want after that and no one will read it purple monkey dishwasher."

"*makes Transformer sound effects while I put my makeup on*"

"*uses blood from wounds to write my killer's name on the floor* I...will be...avenged. NO! BAD DOG! DON'T LICK THAT! DADDY NEEDS JUSTICE!"

"What do you get from an invisible cow? Evaporated milk!"

"ME: any advice DAD: its ok to embellish a little [later at job interview] INTERVIEWER: tell me about yourself M: i wrote harry potter"

"""I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"" -Me, every time I drink"

"Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don't confuse it with the other giant siren cubes."

"Those Essex Girls Whats the difference between a plat of spaghetti and an Essex girl The plate of spaghetti moves when you eat it!"

"What do you call an addiction to dead black people? Negrophelia."

"Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had 2 Kitkats fall out of a vending machine by mistake."