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Joke of the Day

"I started a band called 999 megabytes.... ...we have yet to secure a gig."

"I bought a thesaurus at a store today. Brought it home to find all the pages were blank... I have no words to describe how angry I am"

"A gymnast walks into a bar. He gets a two-point deduction and ruins his chances of a medal."

"Did you want to row or paddle? Either oar..."

"Oh you love your mom's cooking? Name 4 of her dishes."

"In Massachusetts you can't buy liquor before noon on Sundays. But bless your raging alcoholic heart for trying."

"Knock Knock. Who's rhere?. 9/11. 9/11 Who? You said you would never forget."

"So since Donnie Yen is in the new Star Wars Rogue Squadron movie... Will his ship be called the X-Wing Chun?"

"I don't appreciate the trash talking Chinese athletes saying ""we OWN you!"" to the U.S. team. Let's leave our deficit out of this!"

"For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats."