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Joke of the Day

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 jumpers, they can go through 88 stories in 8 seconds."

"We're probably less than 20 years away from the first president to wear skinny jeans."

"Guy: Are you pregnant? Me: No, I'm a Ninja Turtle with my shell on BACKWARDS. Guy: ..... Me: Cowabunga, douche!"

"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."

"""Oh. My. God."" - the first duck to eat bread."

"Is bb-8 hungry? No, BB-8."

"Why did the little tugboat do what all of the other tugboats told him to do? Pier pressure"

"""I can't wait until this one orange erases years of poor eating choices."" -me, dieting"

"It takes a car 30 years to become vintage. It takes a phone 30 days."

"What do you call a migrant in space? illegal alien"