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Joke of the Day

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Disney Pixar collection, except one."

"Synchronized diving would be far more interesting without the pool."

"How do you make a hippopotamus float? 2 hippos and a LOT of root beer."

"I went on a trip to a postcard factory last week. It was OK. Nothing to write home about"

"Nothing cures a hangover like a positive pregnancy test."

"[dad accidentally steps on the dog] I'm sorry girl, I didn't see you. Are you ok? [dad accidentally steps on me] Why are you on the floor?!"

"Exercise, the poor man's plastic surgery."

"""I...I don't know, doc. I guess I'm just tired of being pushed around all the time."" -Revolving Doors"

"I swallowed a 1 coin today.. ..I went to the hospital and after poking around for 10 minutes he stuck his head up and said 'ok go home, come back if there's any change' Tight bastard!"

"How did the butcher introduce his wife? 'Meet Patty!'"