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Joke of the Day

"[high seas] FIRST MATE: I can't wait to see my wife again PIRATE: Land Ho! FIRST MATE: Now look, that's a little rude"

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"What did the parrot say when he was using the Internet? P.Cs of eight P.Cs of eight."
"I'd like to teach you how to win any argument. Unfortunately my wife won't teach me her technique."
"You wanna know the best food to eat when sad? Cheerios"
"Me: [Sits down to eat breakfast] Girlfriend: Babe, you forgot the French Toast Me: Oh sorry [raises glass] VIVE LA FRANCE!"
"What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones? The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'"
"My love is like a candle, if you forget me, i will burn your fucking house down"
"Today, my friend's coworker made a bukkake joke at a meeting and got away with it. I guess they're covered."
"""tell... my wife... i loved her..."" carl dies. NOO! U LOVED HER WHAT?! *shakes body* U LOVED HER... TITYS? HER CAT? *slaps face* PLS WAKE UP"
"What does a greengrocer weigh? Vegetables."
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