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Joke of the Day

"Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen"

"I'm going to need to see a warrant before you look through any pictures on my phone besides the one I show you."

"Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?"

"I drank a bottle of vodka tonight and I was feeling Russian Russian to bed"

"There is one great thing about cancer It does a fantastic job of getting rid of those weird hairless kids."

"Christian epileptics don't appreciate when you tell them ""Jesus is the reason for the seizin"""

"I hope I get a good grade on my kids science project this year."

"""It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!"" Whatever. The point is, it was two people with contemporary American names."

"I knew someone who was frozen to absolute Zero once... He was 0K"

"The more ""normal"" you try to be, the less interesting people like myself will find you."