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Joke of the Day

"Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen"

"Agnostics have commitment issues."

"What's the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care."

"Your dad is a motherfucker"

"I went shopping for the latest iPhone. Unfortunately, the Apple Store had sold out, so I didn't end up 6sful."

"My wife asked my why i carry a gun in the house. I looked at her and said ""Decepticons"". She laughed, i laughed, the toaster laughed, i shot the toaster. It was a good time."

"How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb? well many how???"

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? The pickpocket snatches watches..."

"What does Isaac Asimov take when he has the flu? I, Robotussin."

"What was the best use of the phrase ""That's what she said"" you've ever heard in person?"