143384

Joke of the Day

"Why did little Timmy fall off his bike? Because someone threw a canoe at him!!!"

"A boy was born of an Indian , Irish , Chinese and an Italian Grandmother They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them! They named him Ravi O. Lee i'll see myself out"

"When Wall-E first came out I was like ""'what a profound statement"" and now, a few years older, I'm like ""gimme one of those sick chairs."""

"What would you call ISIS after they've been eliminated? WASWAS."

"...: who do you listen to more? Mummy or daddy? 5y: mummy ...: why? 5y: mummy talks more"

"What do the lady reindeer do on Christmas eve? They hit the town and blow a few bucks."

"I'm on a seafood diet... I see food, and I eat it."

"Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine? He knew better than to drink and derive."

"[wife gets home & sees shit on the rug] What's this? ""It was Rover he w.."" *dog makes throat slice gesture* ""It was me. I shit on the rug"""

"I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I have only my shelf to blame."