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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] HR: Says here you're very good at multi-tasking *me taking a selfie & spinning in chair HR: *whispering ""wow he's good"""

"Why is the moon like a dollar? It has four quarters."

"100% of the people that talk sh!t about your life, have sh!ttier lives than you."

"Two dyslexics run into a bank... and they shout ""Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"""

"I learned how to count cards so I could hustle idiot 4 year olds out of their juice box when we play Go Fish"

"Where does a homosexual Southerner live? In dick-sea land"

"Your Honor, I would like to cite the legal precedent of Mothra v Godzilla."

"""Money isn't everything"" - Someone with a shitload of dough"

"It's like the TSA doesn't even care relationships end cause we can't run through the airport and stop someone from getting on a plane."

"I love when people say ""If people hate you, it only means you're doing something right."" Because that's what Hitler would say."