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Joke of the Day

"It's like the TSA doesn't even care relationships end cause we can't run through the airport and stop someone from getting on a plane."

"All I'm saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first."

"Why did helium get into a fight with neon? They can't bond with each other, no matter how hard they try."

"Really discouraging that there's still bald people in sci fi movies."

"Astronauts are cowards, why don't you stay down here and face earth's problems like a man"

"Turns out I got Lazik surgery by mistake so now I have two lazy eyes."

"I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else's"

"*wakes up* well, it looks like its that time again. time to do just enough activity to convince my body that it needs to go back to sleep"

"How to be a grown up at work? Always smile and replace ""fuck you"" with ""OK great"""

"Me: Wake up son! Son: Just 30 more minutes please Me: I'm borrowing your phone Son jumps of the bed: I'm awake!"