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Joke of the Day

"What's the sharpest thing in the world? A fart. It goes through your pants without even making a hole."

"Pro Tip: don't fall asleep during the middle of an argument with your spouse over whether or not you pay attention to her."

"What's the difference between a crackhead and a methhead? Toothless methheads give better $3.50 blowjobs"

"I'm circling the auto shop and hoping that my mechanic can hear me yelling, ""BRAKES!""."

"The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world."

"Me: Baby-proofed the house like you wanted Wife: Ya? Me: Ya. Locks, fence, barbed wire, the works Her:.. Me: No way a baby's gettin in here."

"Trump took a dump. He pumped. He jumped. Thump Thump. Whump!"

"Reddit censorship is getting out of hand [removed]"

"If you still had hope for kids today, a teenager in a bookstore pointed to a book title and asked me if it was about World War Two or Eleven"

"Why is a change machine easy to understand? It makes cents."