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Joke of the Day

"16: 'We should put a flat screen on the wall!' Wife: 'I really don't like mounting things.' Me: *mumbles 'No shit.' W: 'What was that??'"

"I'm really good at fighting.... I won my last fight by 100 metres"

"Mozart is rolling in his grave. In 50 years people will be saying ""Adele is rolling in the deep."""

"Why did I wear no jeans today? my supply was short."

"Two scientists walk into a bar... One asks for a H2O, the other asks for a H2O too. The bartender hands them both glasses of water and asks them why they're talking in scientific terms."

"""Doesn't it feel good to Payless?"" no, i want to be rich & shop at good stores"

"If an Astronaut Vomits in L.E.O. If an Astronaut vomits in L.E.O., what do you call the portion of the vomit closest to the Earth? The Ralph Nadir"

"[interview] BOSS: So I see you majored in communication? ME: No...miscommunication BOSS: Your resume clearly says communication ME: See?"

"What do Aussies call mates? Cunts. ""Sup cunt""."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's a bit heavy, the others a little lighter."