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Joke of the Day

"Despite what everyone says, I don't think your mom is a ""dirty pirate whore"". She's actually quite clean for a pirate whore."

"What is black, white, and red all over? Interracial double penetration"

"[dinner party] GUEST: so what are your thoughts on euthanasia? ME: [mouth full of mashed potatoes] I am against youths everywhere."

"What does gasoline taste like? I don't know, I'm in a coma."

"[quietly opens a beer] Funeral Director: seriously?! Me: oh sorry [reaches into cooler and hands him one]"

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong socks today!"

"What is the ardent task of searching for a new wallpaper called? Running a Backgroud Check."

"My new favorite joke. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a high school?? Names"

"Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything in my life has changed. My phone number, my address, my name. Everything."

"How many indie bands does it take to change a light bulb? Eh, it's some number you've probably never heard of."