143085

Joke of the Day

"Yeah, it IS true that migrants do the jobs you don't wanna do. Like being a suicide bomber."

"[sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*"

"Girl And BOy Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"I am giving up a few negative people for lent. So, if you call, text, Facebook or email and I don't get to back to you?? Odds are it was you."

"TIL of a man who masturbated in public for 16 hours straight before police arrived. He was wrist strained."

"Why can't you hear the pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent"

"I just put a bunch of lipstick up my butt. (NSFW) I've suddenly realized that makeup sex is highly overrated."

"*Death comes for me but is once again fooled by my false moustache*"

"Reese Witherspoon was arrested Friday night. If some rag doesn't use ""REESE IS FALLING TO PIECES"" as a headline then this world is bullshit."

"Hear about the first Polish Olympic gold medalist? He was so proud, he had his medal bronzed."