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Joke of the Day

"I just put a bunch of lipstick up my butt. (NSFW) I've suddenly realized that makeup sex is highly overrated."

"What's better than winning gold in the Paralympics? Having a pair of legs...... I know, I know, I'm going to hell"

"Nothing creepier than a grown man drinking a glass of milk."

"Kiefer Sutherland is filming next season of '24' in Magaluf. The main villain will be an 18 year old blowing 24 victims up."

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard I throw them."

"Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup! What do you expect for $1 - a live one?"

"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just Juan"

"What's your best one-liner?"

"Wife: Have u done anything today? Me: Rode my bike on the back tire down the street Wife: Wheelie? Me: Yes, really, and cut the baby talk"

"Some pretty young girl just knocked on my door saying there was a Pokemon inside my house... I was all ""Nice try Chris Hansen..."""