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Joke of the Day

"Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You're welcome."

"So Aaron Hernandez is going to prison... He's going in a tight end, and coming out a wide receiver."

"What do you call a woman with a purple vagina? Satisfied"

"Don't try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other."

"Why did Farmer John let his grapes go dry? He had his raisins . . ."

"How can you spot a blind guy at a nudist colony? It's not hard."

"Siri's on her period. she needs an iPad"

"Jesus' Greatest Miracles: 3) Turning water to wine 2) Raising Lazarus 1) Maintaining a milky-white complexion in a desert climate for 33 yrs"

"Why do Physicists make terrible parents? They think their children are small enough to neglect! Adapted from a Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, I forget which one."

"A couple of Thai girls asked if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the lottery. They were right, we had six matching balls."