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Joke of the Day
"Why did Farmer John let his grapes go dry? He had his raisins . . ."
Next Joke
"I snore at night, so I bought a bunch of those Breathe Right Strips for my wife to shove in her ears."
"Thanks autocorrect...clearly ""I am fantasy"" is a better answer than ""fantastic"" when asked how I'm doing..."
"Pearl Harbour 9/11'd Josh Hartnett's career. Three disasters in seven words that make a fully coherent sentence. Can anyone do better?"
"What's worse than a dumpster full of dead babies? The live one at the bottom eating his way out."
"husband rock & wife shock wife: I saw in my dream that you were buying a diamond ring for me. Husband: i saw you dad paying the bill........"
"Q: Why are violas so large? A: It is an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large just that the viola player's heads are so small."
"I need the ""Viewer Discretion Advised"" voice to narrate my life."
"What did the peadophile say when he was released from prison? I feel like a kid again"
"If I ever die, my phone better go with me or there will be some pissed off people at my funeral."